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You might have been there, sat on your first or second date with someone you really like. They start talking about the future. It could be things like where you’ll go on holiday together, or what sort of pet you should adopt. Sometimes it could be the names of your future children, or where you should buy a house. But then you never hear from them again.
The expression ‘future faking’ became popular in the 2010s, specifically in line with the rise of the dating apps. Essentially, it means when someone you’re talking to, or dating, builds you a future full of excitement and promises that they never intend to keep. Shortly afterwards, they then break up with you.
There are a lot of questions that might follow such an encounter, for example what exactly is the purpose in future faking?
Generally, it is understood to be a manipulative tactic, often used to get the other person to do something in the short term.
What are the signs of future faking?
Signs of future faking can look different depending on the situation you are in. However, common themes are talking about serious things very early on, making promises that seem wild or extravagant, or you seem to be doing a lot for them, with not much action on their part.
For example:
- Talking about houses, marriage, children etc on in very early dating stages
- Wanting to book extravagant holidays/ planning things but no concrete action
- Asking for your opinions on things in their household or similar saying ‘you’ll be seeing it/using it a lot’
- Planning dates or trips and cancelling last minute or never showing
- Inconsistency in their stories
- Saying “I love you” early on
Is future faking a form of domestic abuse?
Much of the research about future faking discusses it as a form of abuse. Some people refer to it as ‘love-bombing on steroids’. Love-bombing is a tactic used by abusers whereby they shower their partner with affection, gifts, quality time, trips etc as a way to exert coercive control.
Future faking can also be used to exploit the person on the receiving end. It can cause emotional harm, as it creates a vision of an idealistic future that is then swiftly removed. This can knock self-confidence and have a long-term impact on trust.
It is also often utilised by abusers in more long-term relationships to coercively control their victim. Abusive partners will convince victims to stay in the relationship with the promise of whatever they want for their future, whether it be a holiday, a house or children. It keeps the victim hooked on the possibility of an abusive relationship improving or their partner ‘changing’.
Why do people future fake?
In the most innocent sense, people may future fake because it is fun to create a vision of an exciting life and talk about what could happen or where you could go. This can be exhilarating, and a form of escapism.
Whilst some future faking can be fairly harmless, some can cause lasting damage to the person on the receiving end. It can be a method of coercive control, confining their victim to the relationship, often wanting something in return for the empty promises.
Are there any legal implications of future faking?
Future faking itself is not a crime. However, coercive control is a criminal offence.
The principle of future faking is that the person generally will ghost you, or break up with you in a short space of time. However, it can be that future faking becomes more intense, and the relationship develops based on the promises.
Importantly, if you move in with an unmarried partner, your rights are not the same as those who are married. It is very important to understand your legal position if you are going to cohabit. You are not automatically entitled to assets, including money and property, simply because you live together. This means that if you break-up, you may not have a claim on your ex’s finances.
However, if you have children together, the law makes no distinction between married and unmarried parents when it comes to child arrangements and financial support. The welfare of the child is the priority.
Please seek legal advice if you are unsure about cohabitation, your rights, or an abusive relationship.
Support
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, there is support out there. You can call the National Domestic Abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247.
If you are at immediate risk of harm, please call the police on 999.
Other support can come from your legal team, if you require help with separation and divorce from an abusive partner. You may also find therapy helpful.
Useful links
Declaration of Trust for Property
A guide to cohabitation agreements
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